working it out as I go along

On the sixteenth day of Advent, which is today, I thought of a simple but effective strategy. Normally, when I cook food, I leave it cooking and go and do something else and then I forget I am cooking something, and only remember when I smell it burning. Today, I decided upon a way to avoid this, and incorporate my organisation into it. I made a rule that when I am cooking, I must stay in the kitchen and do various ‘ten things’ – such as wash up ten thing, put away ten things. I can go out of the kitchen to do some different ten things, but I must return to the kitchen straight after. I must save my kitchen ‘ten things’ until I am cooking (so this involves not washing dishes at the end of the day, but waiting till the next day when I am cooking).

Incidentally, the ten things is going very well, because since I’ve started it, I have constantly had an almost clear kitchen table (it used to be piled high with laundry ready to be ironed and put away). So now I can eat at my kitchen table, and not upstairs on my computer desk like I used to (and which I can’t do any more anyway, because I am not letting myself use the computer before 9:00pm).

Today, I have slept a lot. I am very very tired. I think my body is catching up from a very tiring and stressful college course which does not suit my personality or learning style at all. So I have decided not to feel guilty about having lots of extra sleep, because my body really seems to need it.

On the fifteenth day of Advent, I decided my new rule is not to go on the internet before 9:00pm. Now for me to make a rule that I actually take seriously, I have to make it with someone else, normally with God, but rules I make with God tend to be about more specifically spiritual disciplines, not the internet. So, I did some visualisation – now I know this will seem very kooky to most people, and I almost didn’t write about it because I don’t like people to laugh at me, but hey, it is what works for me, so I will write it for myself. I sometimes invent imaginary people in my mind. I’m not insane – I am quite aware that they are imaginary, but I am also aware that the power of the imagination can be helpful. So I have an imaginary mother figure, who I invented years ago, and who I sometimes visualise. This is because my real mother doesn’t love me, and that is sad for me, and so it’s nice to imagine that I have another mother who does love me. And I think probably she is just another version of God, really. I call her Angel, because I think she is a bit like an angel, and because Angel is a name too. So, on day 15, I imagined her, and talked to her, and made the decision with her not to go on the internet until after 9:00pm.

I also decided to do some proper private journalling. Not just writing my daily thoughts, but do some exploratory journalling, to see what is really inside my mind, and whether I really want to return to college and finish my degree, and to see if I can find what my real passion is and how to be organised in a way that suits my personality. I have two books on journalling, one by Ira Progoff, and the other by Tristine Rainer, because it is something that interests me and I’ve been wanting to do it for some time. I know some people think it’s weird and new age, but I think it is particularly useful if you have Asperger Syndrome, because it’s hard to process your thoughts and emotions, and journalling can help you do that, and help you put them into words and see what you are really thinking and feeling.

So that was my strategy for day 15. I started reading these books and doing the exercises in them. So far it seems like my body is telling me that is exhausted, and that pushing myself to fit into all the college hoops has been very counterproductive. I’m not sure what the solution is, but I hope maybe I will discover some solutions from journalling.

Playing catch-up again. These entries are going to be short and sweet, because am feeling very tired lately, and not very well (although no longer covered with spots, so spotty virus seems to have disappeared!).

On the fourteenth day of Advent (well, actually, the thirteenth, but I already had an entry for that day, so I decided to carry it over) I decided I need to do something about my nutrition. It is very easy for me to get into the habit of eating the same thing every day, especially when I find something that is easy and nice and doesn’t disagree with me. And when I’m tired and unwell, it seems a big effort to think of a different meal every day – especially because there is a lot that I can’t eat.

Well, I had been eating just a lamb chop and rice and peas every day, and a piece of fruit, which is not varied enough to give me all my nutrients, so I decided to do something I tried in the summer and then stopped – making smoothies. I make smoothies like this: in my blender I put different fruit and nuts and seeds, and also oats and barley and cacao nibs and yoghurt. So it is a whole mix of nutrients all in one. And then I pour it into four cups and they will thus last for four days, and I don’t have to think about what I will eat because there it is. So I did this. That was my strategy for organising with regards to food.